Via Diary of a CEO and Chris Williamson
"After some sort of emotional perturbment, after something happens, how long does it take for them to get back to baseline? […] Let's say that we're going on holiday and the flight is cancelled. It's a big deal because their family is going out there. Is that the sort of thing that happens and then there is a reversion to baseline within a few hours? Or is that the sort of thing that blows up the entire trip of the holiday with their family?"
— Chris Williamson: If You Don't Fix This Now, 2026 Is Already Over, at 1:53:26
The flight gets cancelled. Your partner's family is already at the destination. What happens next tells you more about the relationship's future than any amount of chemistry ever will.
Chris Williamson's question is blunt: how long does it take them to get back to baseline? We optimize for spark. Williamson optimizes for something else: psychological stability—how quickly someone's emotions return to a state of equilibrium.
He highlights four observable traits worth screening for:
| Trait | What to Look For | Why It Matters |
|---|---|---|
| Emotional Stability | Quick return to baseline after an upsetting event. | Prevents small issues from tainting trips, events, and daily life. |
| Conscientiousness | Thoughtful about you specifically; shows they care. | Shows they track what matters to you, not just to them. |
| Agreeableness | Moderately agreeable, has a "yes and" response to suggestions. | Can be fun and spontaneous without being a pushover. |
| Openness | Moderately open to new experiences. | Willing to try new things without wandering eyes. |
Chris emphasizes the goal: "You want a relationship that feels like a safe harbor that you can wall yourself off against all of the ills of the world. Your business can fall apart. Your health can decay. Your friends can abandon you. But you know that at home there's someone who loves you for who you are, not for what you do."
That harbor is either solid or shaky based on one thing: how fast you both recover when something goes wrong. We ask "do they make me happy?" The better question: "when things break, how quickly do they come back to baseline?" One is a feeling; the other is a foundation. And the question works in both directions — if someone scored you on these four traits, what would they find?
Things to Try Today
- Recall a recent disruption. Think of the last time something went sideways with your partner (or someone you're dating) — a cancelled plan, a stressful moment, a minor conflict. How long did it take them to return to normal? Use that memory as a data point, not a judgment.
- Audit your own baseline recovery. Next time something frustrates you today, notice how long it takes you to settle back down — and whether that's the version of yourself you'd want a partner to experience.
- Score someone on the four traits. Pick one person you're close to (partner, date, or even a friend) and mentally rate them on the four traits in the table: emotional stability, conscientiousness, agreeableness, openness. The point isn't to judge — it's to make your instincts explicit so you can think clearly about the relationship.
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