Via Talks at Google

“When you call someone smart, you put them in a box, you’re putting them on a pedestal. And their life becomes organized around deserving the pedestal, staying on the pedestal. You can only do that by narrowing your life to include only things you’re sure you’re good at, only things you’re sure you can succeed at.”

— The Growth Mindset | Carol Dweck | Talks at Google, at 8:22

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When you praise a child by calling them smart or talented, their life starts revolving around doing what it takes to deserve that label—even if it means limiting themselves to things they already know they can do.

Consider the harmful messages that are embedded in praise:

• “You did that so quickly, I’m so impressed.” Sends the message that you are impressive only if you do things fast. Yet most things in life require long, sustained effort.
• “You got an A without working.” Implies you wouldn’t have seemed smart if you’d had to work for it. Praise like this penalizes effort and discourages trying hard things.
• “You’re so smart at math.” Suggests your intelligence lies in one narrow area, nudging you to avoid subjects where you’re less certain—including areas one needs to learn for a well-rounded life.

The healthier alternative is to praise the process:

• “I know you worked for that A; good job.” Recognizes the effort and sends a clear message: great things happen when you put in the work.
• “You kept at it until you got it.” Honors persistence and steady improvement. It keeps the focus on getting smarter rather than proving you’re already smart.
• “You challenged yourself with something new.” Celebrates the willingness to take risks and step outside their comfort zone. It tells the child that growth matters more than outcomes.
• “You figured out a way to get better at that.” Reinforces that ability isn’t a fixed trait you’re born with; it’s something you actively strengthen.

The language shift is subtle, but the long-term effect isn’t. Children who are praised for effort learn that ability is something you can build. If you put in the effort, you have a hand in who and what you become.