Via Lenny’s Podcast

“In our family, we say something . . . we actually now say it at work: ‘Perfect is creepy.’ I just think it encapsulates [the idea] that you don’t even want to be perfect. It’s actually very creepy. Only nonhumans can ever be perfect. What defines the human condition is that we want to do well when we mess up over and over again. […]

“The thing that really differentiated secure attachment (which is the nature of relationship you want to have with your kid), is the presence of Repair. I remember the professor continuing to talk and I was stopped in my tracks thinking, What? So secure attachment isn’t defined by getting it right all the time?

[At some point,] we’re all going to mess up. Secure attachment [works because it] has an adult who’s willing to Repair. That [realization] felt very hopeful to me because [it’s] something I could realistically get good at.”

— A Child Psychologist’s Guide to Working with Difficult Adults | Dr. Becky Kennedy, at 9:24

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Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist and bestselling author, credits a professor in graduate school who helped her realize that the strongest relationships aren’t defined by perfection but rather by a willingness on both sides to invest in repair after mistakes are made.

To repair means to return to someone after a moment you’re not proud of, taking responsibility for your part, acknowledging the impact, and naming what you’d do differently.

What repair might look like:

• With a child: “Sorry I yelled. I had a stressful day. That wasn’t your fault, and I’m working on staying calmer.
• With a colleague: “Earlier in the meeting, I totally cut you off. I used a really harsh tone. While I did disagree with what you were saying, that is no excuse for me to talk to you the way I did. I’m sorry. I’m going to work on that.”

Why repair matters:

• Repair reestablishes trust and connection
• When trust is restored, people are more likely to cooperate and work well together
• Repair interrupts defensive run-on conversations and lets you get more done

The implication for leaders: Perfection is an impossible and alienating standard. The pursuit of perfection keeps leaders from making repairs that actually build stronger teams. Repair is realistic and learnable in a way that perfection never is — and it’s far more powerful.

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